Impatient and tired after a hectic day at work, I got off the train and headed home. The pushing shoving crowd at the train station had built my frustration to an intolerable level, forcing my mind and body to yearn for some sort of tranquility. I opened the door to my home and with a sigh of relief, kicked off my high-heeled boots and headed to the kitchen. I grabbed an apple from the fridge, devoured it hungrily and looked around for something else to munch on. Still agitated from my trip, I decided to administer my own psychotherapy.
I poured a glass of white wine and stretched out on the sofa. After a sip or two, I felt calmer and decided to listen to some music. I wanted to hear something old and soothing. I selected David Sanborn’s CD, “Hideaway.” I headed back to the couch, closed my eyes and entered my utopia. The music was soothing; the intricate sounds had a calming effect on me. My mind wandered, I thought of growing up in the islands , I thought of my childhood, cool breezy evenings, colorful sunsets, the beach, waves gently caressing the sand, and lovers basking in the pure delight of each other’s company. (I’m a romanticist)
The beat of the music quickened and I thought of children playing, jumping rope, laughing, screaming with delight, if only they could remain innocent and carefree I thought. The music mellowed and with eyes closed I reached another plateau of tranquility. My mind and body were totally relaxed, moving me to become acutely aware of the individual sounds of the instruments combining to create the beautiful melody. As the drumbeat quickened and got louder, I found myself thinking, if only I could surround myself with such dynamic, pulsating, positive forces, my life would be just that rhythmical.
I was really enjoying the mental trip when the phone rang. I picked up on the third ring and pleasantly said, “hello.”
My best friend was on the phone, I continued,
“What’s up girl?”
After a pause, she chuckled and asked,
“Have you been drinking?”
Laughing, I responded,
“I’m relaxed girl, what’s up with you?”
We made some small talk after which she hung up sensing I wanted to relax. I was just settling back into the spot my body had made on the couch, when the phone rang again… I looked at the caller ID. I knew who it was. Tailoring my voice for the caller, I said smoothly, rhythmically,
After a surprised pause, he said firmly,
“I’m coming over!”
I was not really in the mood for company and debated calling him back to say just that. Apparently he must have interpreted my relaxed tone as an invitation… His rushed puzzling response told me he was thinking he’d better get over there before I changed my mind. (lol) Reluctantly, I prepared to see him. I had not seen him in two weeks so I knew he was beginning to become angry and frustrated with me. Men don’t seem to understand that sometimes women just don’t want to be bothered. Heck, sometimes we are just comfortable with cuddling, chummy silence, watching a movie together, or just touching toes from opposite sides of the couch. (Smile) I had also come to realize that some men are needy and require that constant life force from their women.
Anyway, I trudged up the stairs, peeled off my clothes and decided to take a shower. I knew it would take him about a half hour to fortyfive mins to get to my house so I figured I had enough time to make my shower a leisurely one. I have always loved hot steamy showers followed with cool rinses and this night was no exception…
Because I was somewhat relaxed, my shower became a ritual as I paid homage to my body. Slowly, I washed away the day’s toil staring at the soiled water as it went down the drain. As the drain guzzled and swirled the soiled water cascading from my body, I felt some sense of cleansing relief. Slowly, I added soap to the wash cloth covering every inch of my body. The wash cloth seemed to have a mind of its own as it traveled familiar routes. The mango peach body wash smelled almost edible. I stood there and let the water travel my body and have its way with me, every chocolate skinned inch of me…
After my reverie, (lol) I toweled my body semi-dry, putting oil and lotion on my skin while it was still damp. Draping my robe around me, I walked into the bedroom forgetting to remove my shower cap. I was heading back to the bathroom to clean the fogged mirror and put away the shower cap, when the doorbell started ringing relentlessly.
Dam! I thought, did he jet over here? I was slightly annoyed and thought of how disruptive he had been the whole evening…Nonetheless, I trudged downstairs pouting slightly. I opened the door and asked sullenly,
He did not respond, instead, he walked past me into my living room, hands in his pocket. No hello. He could sense I was annoyed. I turned around to face him, robe slightly opened, my shower cap still on, skin glistening. In the seconds that elapsed, I looked at him, really looked at him…Although he was looking back at me, legs astride, typical manly stance, hands in the pockets, he looked like a lost boy.
He continued to stare at me, his eyes traveling up and down my body then back to my eyes. (A silent appeal) He swallowed and continued staring. I felt like a sparring partner trapped in a very strange emotional duel… I knew I had to play it carefully and say the right thing. I sensed that his need for me was slightly overshadowed by his male pride, so I said softly, almost inaudibly,
“Hi baby how are you?”
His reaction was to grab me, pulling me into him, bending me backwards. He held me so tightly I thought I’d suffocate.
His strong muscular arms felt like steel bars as I felt myself disappearing into him. He enveloped me and along the way I sensed he was frustrated, he had experienced a hard day, he needed me, he missed me, and most importantly, he did not want to talk. I was his life force.
Suddenly I had an epiphany. I realized I needed that enveloping, manly “everything’s going be okay hug.” I needed to share myself with him give him some sustenance…
Later that evening, I untangled myself from his grasp and watched him sleep. He seemed so relaxed. Like a cat, I yawned, stretched, purred and hurried downstairs to get something else to eat.